Les Seigneurs du Forez et de l'ENTPE
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Les Seigneurs du Forez et de l'ENTPE


 
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 Witze - Joke - Chiste...

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ChoumX
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ChoumX


Masculin Nombre de messages : 1635
Age : 40
Localisation : dans ton cul
Date d'inscription : 02/05/2005

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MessageSujet: Re: Witze - Joke - Chiste...   Witze - Joke - Chiste... - Page 3 Icon_minitimeJeu 10 Jan - 9:58

!!! ATTENTION BLAGUE NULLE MEME EN ANGLAIS !!!

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "LOW BRIDGE AHEAD". Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.

Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got your truck stuck, huh?"

The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

!!! ATTENTION BLAGUE NULLE MEME EN ANGLAIS !!!
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Skydrinker
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Skydrinker


Masculin Nombre de messages : 946
Age : 40
Localisation : Dans ton... non sans dec' entre Sainté, le Charolais et le Mâconnais
Date d'inscription : 29/04/2005

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MessageSujet: Re: Witze - Joke - Chiste...   Witze - Joke - Chiste... - Page 3 Icon_minitimeJeu 10 Jan - 21:03

Au moins pas de surprise, on était prévenu quoi... puker
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https://quenelles.forumactif.com
ChoumX
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ChoumX


Masculin Nombre de messages : 1635
Age : 40
Localisation : dans ton cul
Date d'inscription : 02/05/2005

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MessageSujet: Re: Witze - Joke - Chiste...   Witze - Joke - Chiste... - Page 3 Icon_minitimeSam 19 Jan - 12:22

It is near the end of the school year. The teacher has turned in the grades and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless because of this.

Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today."

Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."

Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."

Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."

Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."

Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."

Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."

Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."

Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"

Johnny: "BILL CLINTON. CAN I GO NOW?"
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ChoumX
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ChoumX


Masculin Nombre de messages : 1635
Age : 40
Localisation : dans ton cul
Date d'inscription : 02/05/2005

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MessageSujet: Re: Witze - Joke - Chiste...   Witze - Joke - Chiste... - Page 3 Icon_minitimeLun 25 Fév - 0:14

The National Poetry Contest had come down to semi-finals between a Yale graduate and a redneck from Wyoming. They were both given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was “Timbuktu”

First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He confidently stepped to the microphone and said:

“Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan
Men on camels, two by two
Destination: Timbuktu.”

The crowd went crazy. No way could the redneck top this, they thought.

The redneck, with sweat rolled down his face, made his way to the microphone and said:

“A friend and I a hunting went,
We spied three maidens in a tent,
They being three, we being two,
I bucked one and Tim bucked two.”

The redneck went to the finals.


J'adore cette finesse...
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ChoumX
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ChoumX


Masculin Nombre de messages : 1635
Age : 40
Localisation : dans ton cul
Date d'inscription : 02/05/2005

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MessageSujet: Re: Witze - Joke - Chiste...   Witze - Joke - Chiste... - Page 3 Icon_minitimeMer 12 Mar - 20:07

A man is doing yard work and his wife is about to take a shower. The man realizes that he can't find the rake. He yells up to his wife, "Where is the rake?"

She can't hear him and shouts back, "What?" The man first points to his eye, then points to his knee and finally makes a raking motion. The wife is not sure and says, "What?" The man repeats his gestures, mouthing "EYE - KNEE - THE RAKE."

The wife replies that she understands and signals back. She first points to her eye, next she points to her left breast, then she points to her butt, and finally to her crotch.

Well, there is no way in hell the man can even come close on that one. Exasperated, he goes upstairs and asks her "What in the heck was that?"

She replies, "EYE - LEFT TIT - BEHIND - THE BUSH"


Tout ça pour ça !
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ChoumX
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ChoumX


Masculin Nombre de messages : 1635
Age : 40
Localisation : dans ton cul
Date d'inscription : 02/05/2005

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MessageSujet: Re: Witze - Joke - Chiste...   Witze - Joke - Chiste... - Page 3 Icon_minitimeSam 24 Mai - 10:45

A girl is driving along the expressway listening to the radio when she hears a song she really, really likes. When the song is over the announcer says the title of the record was, "Hot Lips and Tender Kisses."

When she gets home she's very excited about the new song and decides to call her local music store to see if they have the record. Hurriedly, and excitedly, she dials the store's number. But in her excitement, she unknowingly misdialed and got an auto repair shop instead.

"Hello," the mechanic answers.

"Oh, yes! Do you have Hot Lips and Tender Kisses?" the girl asks.

The mechanic was puzzled, but says, "Well, no, but I've got hot pants and seven inches."

"Oh, is that a record?" she says.

"No," he says, "but it's better than average."

5/10
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ChoumX
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ChoumX


Masculin Nombre de messages : 1635
Age : 40
Localisation : dans ton cul
Date d'inscription : 02/05/2005

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MessageSujet: Re: Witze - Joke - Chiste...   Witze - Joke - Chiste... - Page 3 Icon_minitimeMer 25 Mar - 22:29

En vlà une que je connaissais pas dans la grande série des Combien faut-il de... pour visser une ampoule...

How many perverts does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it takes the whole casualty department to get it out ...
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ChoumX
Directeur adjoint
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ChoumX


Masculin Nombre de messages : 1635
Age : 40
Localisation : dans ton cul
Date d'inscription : 02/05/2005

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MessageSujet: Re: Witze - Joke - Chiste...   Witze - Joke - Chiste... - Page 3 Icon_minitimeSam 20 Juin - 12:22

They said that when a black man becomes president, pigs will fly.

Exactly 100 days after Barack Obama became president swine flu.
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ChoumX
Directeur adjoint
Directeur adjoint
ChoumX


Masculin Nombre de messages : 1635
Age : 40
Localisation : dans ton cul
Date d'inscription : 02/05/2005

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MessageSujet: Re: Witze - Joke - Chiste...   Witze - Joke - Chiste... - Page 3 Icon_minitimeDim 21 Juin - 10:30

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.

First, of course, he had to take an eyesight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters:

'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

"Can you read this?" the optician asked.

"Read it?" the Polish guy replied: "I know the guy."
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ChoumX
Directeur adjoint
Directeur adjoint
ChoumX


Masculin Nombre de messages : 1635
Age : 40
Localisation : dans ton cul
Date d'inscription : 02/05/2005

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MessageSujet: Re: Witze - Joke - Chiste...   Witze - Joke - Chiste... - Page 3 Icon_minitimeVen 4 Jan - 14:53

Nouvelle année, innovation : la blague en néerlandais (Mop in Nederlands) !

Komt een gabber bij de slager.
Zegt de gabber: En heb je nog gehakt?

(Un gabber entre chez le boucher et lui dit : vous avez encore du hâché ? / vous avez encore hakké ?)

Je reviens pas de Thunderdome pour rien !
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